Small Brain Winners
The following are true stories about
individuals who earned dubious recognition
with IQs that appear to fall far below the normal level of a mouse. They certainly
would not make it through the first round of the "The Weakest Link" competition.
Small Brain # 1
A medical student, while doing a
rotation in toxicology at the poison control
center, received a call from a frantic woman. She was very upset because she
caught her little daughter eating ants. IThe medical student quickly reassured her
that ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the
hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention
that she gave her daughter some ant poison to swallow in order to kill the ants. She
was told to bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.
Small Brain # 2
Some Boeing employees on the airfield
decided to steal a life raft from
one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. When
they took it for a float on the river, a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them
surprised them. The chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that
activated when the raft was inflated.They are no longer employed at Boeing.
Small Brain # 3
Wanting to rob a downtown Bank of
America, a man walked into the branch
and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line,
waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him
write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window.
So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting
a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it
and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the
harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written
on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells
Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated,
the man said, "OK" and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting
in line back at Bank of America.
Small Brain # 4
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an
automated speed trap that measured
his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail
a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police
department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he received a letter from
the police that contained another picture, this time of handcuffs. He immediately
mailed in his $40.
Small Brain # 5
Guy walked into a little corner store
with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash
from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw
a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier
to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, "Because I don't believe
you are over 21." The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him
because he didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of
his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in
fact over 21 and he put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with
his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the
robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber 2 hours later.
Small Brain # 6
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a
record shop nervously waving revolvers.
The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled first
bandit shot him.
Small Brain # 7
Seems this guy in Arkansas wanted some
beer pretty badly. He decided that he would
throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run.
So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder
block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious.
Seems the liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught
Small Brain # 8
The Ann Arbor News crime
column reported that a man walked into a Burger King
in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50 a.m., flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk
turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food
order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available
for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.