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~~~ The Search for Mr. Right ~~~

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F: He lavishes you daily with gifts for no particular reason.
R: You've got him sadly confused with Santa Claus, who's already married anyway, and his jolly helpers are wrapping all of the gifts for him.

F: He is very tall.
R: He says he's five-foot-ten, although you tower over him at five-seven without high heels.

F: He looks at no other women.
R: He still thinks Sharon Stone, the swimsuit model in Sports Illustrated, and the young babysitter down the street all want to meet him.

F: You are in his every thought.
R: He spends half his life obsessing about a receding hairline and an expanding waistline; and the other half rehashing the latest trivia sports game comments on ESPN.

F: He is very wise and witty.
R: He reads second grade comic strips and tells knock-knock jokes.

F: You share the same interests.
R: He cancels a romantic evening with you for a poker game with his beer buddies.

F: He always walks beside you, smothers you with kisses, and gives you unconditional love.
R: You've got him confused with your pet dog!